Monday, June 11, 2012

4 Pakistani urban legends and other dreadful tales

4 Pakistani urban legends and other dreadful tales
It is a scary world we live in, there has been a recession that has cost us our jobs and our money when we do have jobs, as to get to work we need cars which run on fuel, and fuel costs almost a hundred rupees per litre. You can’t win! Then there is the huge threat of climate change hanging above our heads like a school bell, ready to ring any second and shocking us into accidentally stabbing ourselves in the ribs with an extra sharp pencil, because real life is as awesome and inexplicable as Korean horror. But nothing is scarier than the stories we have grown up with, things that your friend in school swore happened to her tai’s niece’s friend. This girl lived a charmed life as she managed to find death in every situation but lived to tell her tale and endure yet another fantastically macabre incident. I salute you, She Whom I Have Never Seen. Your adventures in life make me stop wringing my hands over silly things like global warming and Imran Khan’s politics. You, I say, are legend.
In case you’re wondering what our brave but beautiful heroine has gone through in her life, only to come out stronger, allow me to elaborate.
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# 4 – The Hathora Group

Now if you were born at a time when you grew up watching Pokemon and not silent cartoons on PTV with your breakfast at 7 a.m., you won’t know anything about it. You probably don’t even know who Sultan Golden is! Dear god, what are you waiting for? Go Google him already. But us kids growing up in the ’80s had a secret fear: ‘If I don’t get those Bubblegummers with blinky lights on, no one will come to my birthday!’ Our lesser fear was of the Hathora Group.
‘Hammer Time’ took on a whole new meaning.
The Hathora Group, my friends, had us terrorized for months to an end. Legend has it that a group of men would break into your house, steal your valuables, and then, like the mercenaries they were, hammer you to death…with hathoras! Too bad Aaron Hotchner and the rest of the Behavioral Analysis guys weren’t around back then. They would have cracked the case immediately, like so many bones with a hammer. Thor’s.
You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing about the dreaded Hathora Group. Everyone immediately hired guards and called their men home from Qatar or wherever it was that dudes went to make enough money to build their own homage to the White House back then. Everyone knew someone who had fallen victim to the Group…they have still not been caught and loom like a giant question mark in our minds…and hammers in their hands.
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# 3 – The Chadda Group

Enter the ’90s. You remember the ’90s: Spice Girls, IRC, about a zillion douches who called themselves Neo on chat and the sweet agony of not knowing whether Ross and Rachel would ever end up together? Also Junoon before Salman Ahmad’s sense of reality keeled over with embarrassment the first time he said ‘Guys, I know what, why don’t I duet with Atiqa Odho on Jeeain on TV?’ Good times. The ’90s brought their own curse with them: The Chadda Group.
The Chadda Group was definitely more sinister than the Hathora Group in my eyes and if you think my sense of reality has been altered by all the practice runs I am being made to master by my sister in case a zombie apocalypse happens, you are right. My genes are all about the myth and don’t care much for cold, hard fact. Anyway, the Chadda Group.
Trust me, it’s more imposing in real life.
This Group was made of some incredibly agile young men who broke into houses, looted, plundered and attempted assault, and ran off in record time. This was made easy by the fact that they preferred their boxers to pants, and slathered themselves in oil before committing their crime. The oil made it harder for people to hold on to them if they were ever caught, which I don’t believe they were. And despite the fact that my own brain is a little addled by all those days spent reading Rock n Roll Jihad, I maintain that they are scarier because only the very disturbed run around in nothing but their undercrackers and some Dalda.
The Chadda Group was a mystery, but someone should have come to my school where everyone was convinced that the Chadda leader was going out with a girl in my class.
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# 2 – The Haunting of Devil’s Point

It actually doesn’t surprise me anymore that the first I heard of all the voodoo and ghost shenanigans that went down regularly at the Devil’s Point in Karachi was from the girl dating the alleged king of Chaddas. This girl, her boyfriend and their friends stalked the area for weeks, looking for the man sitting on a chair in the sea, reading his Quran backwards. Or was it woman? There are a gazillion versions of this story so I forget.
Some say the surfboard was made of human skulls.
Although I’d like to say that if that chair stayed put amidst the waves for all the time it took to read the entire holy book, this guy was doing something right.
Nobody who claimed to have seen this man/ woman/ glittery vampire of magnificence ever actually went up to the guy and spoke to him or tried to stop him though. I say when you see someone practicing the dark arts in a chair by the sea; report them to the Ministry
of Magic immediately, preferably while placing a discreet thumbtack on the chair.
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# 1 – Karachi Pocketknife Massacre

It was with a serious face that someone told me a long time ago that I need to start wearing clothes with sleeves on, if I didn’t a special vigilante gang would stab me in the arm with the HIV virus.
And it’s kind of obvious what he would use for that.
She swore her cousin’s friend’s cousin had seen this happen. If I didn’t believe that, my friend said, I should at least watch out for the men going around with concealed knives to slash open the arm of any woman who dared to show some elbow. How I had laughed! How I am laughing now, as I consider the abovementioned scenarios are an actual possibility in Pakistan today.
But life is for the living, and to sum it up appropriately, can someone please make a Pakistani Urban Legend already before Rebecca Gayheart ODs and kills herself (I know I said Pakistani but in my head she does a cameo)?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Karachi University conversion of BS degree to Masters Failure

"How could University can extend passing year of a student if he has successfully cleared his all courses in his last year.And if they already planned to implement it on students than why they are irritating students for writing a BEGGING application"

After failure of HEC 's BS Program in the Universities of Pakistan.University of Karachi ' s academic council wrote a letter to HEC for asking permission to end the BS Program in University & implementing old 2-3 years graduation & 1-2 years masters program in the University again, right after producing its 1st BS Batch in the market.HEC is recognizing and calling BS degree as Old MA, M.COM & Msc degree.Problem arises when the BS passed student went for a master job but in the job market employer gave job to 2-1 years masters students after 2-3 years graduation and rejected BS student by saying that he is Bachelor not master so he should complete his master first than he or she should come for masters nature job.However BS holder is easily getting job of 14 years education (bachelor) but somehow they are getting rejected due to over qualification.
So after viewing all side-backs of BS program HEC gives permission to UOK that they can issue "HEC Recognized certificate" as equivalency of BS as Masters degree to BS students or if a BS passed students like to take 3 years graduation and 1 year masters degree so he can avail this facility.Through this step HEC continued its BS program for the students who want to go abroad for higher studies or for job.
My Question is just about conversion of BS to masters degree. I have completed my BS in 2011 as I enrolled in 2008.I applied for marksheets as conversion option form.All you have to do is to attach a optional form with your BS Marksheet form than you will receive 3 years marksheet plus 1 year Master marksheet.I cleared all my courses in my last year in 2011 including 1 course of 3rd year but I got interesting news that if I will go for conversion case than I will receive my BA (honors) degree as pass in 2011 instead of as pass in 2010 and automatically through a magical force I will receive 1 year master degree as pass in 2012 while I have not given any single paper in 2012.
FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO UNDERSTAND ALL THE ISSUE WHICH I RAISED IN MY BLOG
I accepted all these sucking rules as I got job of bachelor eligibility.The employer asked me to submit  2-3 years graduation marksheet so I accepted all rules & regulation for conversion case of BS Degree.Semester cell gave me 10 days awaiting time period for marksheet but after 10 days like other public institutions I got another 5 days waiting period.After 5 days I got the news that my form was already send to the department  12 days ago putting some objections.Objection was that I have given 1 course of BA (hons) in 2011 so I should write a fucking begging application in the name of Controller examiner that he should give me BA hons passing marksheet as pass in 2011 and MA in 2012 so now he will issue me marksheet again after "10  DAYS".

I want to ask anyone from HEC or Karachi University administration that what creepy rules and regulations you have, why are you putting it on students like that & playing with the future of students.I have wasted my 25 days just for a single mark-sheet.Whenever I objected for my passing year problem issue.If you want to issue me mark sheet as passed in 2020 I was agree because I know you people are just crap nothing else.

I think they should completly close BS Program in the university or they should not allow for a conversion option.It makes our degree like popular 50-50 biscuits.Half is salty and half is sweet.But in our degree case it is nothing more like Sour & spicy.

If a person is passed in 2011 how could you extend its passing year as 2012??? This is a question of mine to HEC and KU officials.I am hoping they will answer me.

usama@humarinews.com

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